Iris feels alone right now. Although I like kissing strangers, I am not without emotion and Iris’ story has touched me. She feels she’s at fault because she loved a man and told him so.

Now, I can go through and answer each one of her questions individually, but I’m sure she has already heard them. I will offer the following though:

You are not an idiot and you will not be judged — at least not by me.

Love is wonderful, but not without its risks. To love, and love fully, is to surrender to those risks knowing that your love may not be reciprocated in the way you wish. Love is also about balance — love of self and love of another (in that order, but do not confuse love of self with being selfish).

When we lose love, any love, we grieve and it must follow the natural course of grieving. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance and not in that particular order. Death does not need to occur in order for one to feel loss and the length of the process is directly proportional to the perceived greatness of that loss.

Iris, allow yourself to go through the motions — try to play out all the different scenarios in your mind, get angry and scream if you need to, cry until your heart feels empty, then fill it back up to the brim with love again, because, my dear, you will eventually find your way to acceptance.

You will love, and be loved, again — I assure you that you are already loved right now (you’ll let it in once you’re ready, but it’s there). You are not alone.

perpetual state of orgasmic bliss. got that? good.

Even when this dude is eating with his fingers and looking like he just stepped out of the stone ages 30 seconds prior, it didn’t even phase me, it just made me wish I was one of his fingers.

there really should be some sort of law against looking so good you make women (namely the Kissing Bandit) want to crawl through the t.v. set and do many naughty things.

although i am fairly sure he’d have a hard time explaining to law enforcement that he was the victim of a drive by banging when he finally did wake up confused and disoriented.

but let’s get back to the topic at hand. my many naughty thoughts got me to thinking — it must feel mighty funny to suddenly have a bunch of strangers undressing you with their minds and having their way with you.

one minute the only ones who knew your name included your family and possibly a few people who thought you were ‘hot as hell’ in high school…then all of a sudden, every other website is oooing and aaaahing over how sexy you are and next thing you know, you have a potential stalker club.

how would you deal with it — could you deal with it? what exactly would it feel like?

(on a completely unrelated note – it truly is a shame when a third party fan site looks a million times better than your official site…if you ever do become famous, hire a good web designer, that’s my helpful hint for the day.)

make sure you don’t say anything about anyone that you wouldn’t say to their face – it will inevitably get back to them and in a “not so pleasant, you bet your life is ruined, and it sure as hell means you need to padlock your blog” kind of way.

take from this what you will.

scenario: the beau of the moment has just presented you with a beautiful new dress as an “I am totally enchanted by you” gift.

let the manipulation begin:
since he’s human and most likely in the 99% that caters to ego, stroke it a bit for him — get more stuff.

“oh beau of the moment, this is absolutely gorgeous, I love it. how did you become so wonderful? oh, I just had a thought – I just saw a pair of shoes the other day that would go absolutely perfect with this dress – of course, it’s not a big deal and I don’t really need them, but I just wanted to let you know how much I loved this dress and can’t wait to wear it. you really are so wonderful.”

you should have a new pair of shoes matching the dress within 72 hours (assuming you subtly slipped him the necessary info to find the shoes between the compliments you were pouring over him like honey).

“oh beau of the moment, you got me the shoes too?!? you really didn’t have to, but I absolutely love them. they are great. you are great. they will go so well with these new earrings i’ve been eyeing for a few weeks now, now I just need to find a way to get them, but it’s no big deal, the dress and shoes are amazing. did I already tell you how amazing you are? well you are.”

don’t be overly surprised if you should receive a pair of earrings which match the dress and shoes stunningly (it is, however, highly recommended that you feign surprise so he doesn’t catch on).

of course, this is an oversimplified example of the art of manipulation – the premise remains the same. stroke the ego while leaving subtle cues. I don’t recommend doing a continual manipulation loop either, that is a sure fire way to get burned — badly. and of course, this technique can also be applied to varying situations.

this is not only a tip for the ladies, but the men also — don’t be egotistical.

First rule: know that the person you want to manipulate is human.
Second rule: know that humans have egos and 99% of them cater to ego.
Third (and final) rule: cater to that ego – get what you want.

…and you didn’t even have to spend $15 on a book to tell you that.

Now, use this information wisely and do not forget about that whole – karma is a bitch thing…

Ladies: that is my friendly tip of the day.